You Know Nothing (About Comedy)

I was reading comments on a the last truly comedic video I made:

And I came across this little exchange I made 7 months ago. It makes me smile even today... hopefully you'll laugh a little too.

And if not--keep it to yourself!

Mortified - San Francisco!!!

Soooo, I'm going to be performing my Mortified piece in San Francisco this coming weekend!

WHAT: MORTIFIED SF (Ezra reading his childhood journals)
WHEN: Friday, April 17, 2009 (and an Encore performance on Saturday, April 18!)
TIME: 8:00 PM
VENUE: Make-Out Room
ADDRESS: 3225 22nd St, 94110
COST: $12 adv ; $15 door
TICKETS: By Web

It's sure to be a fantastical blast! Rave reviews poured out of Los Angeles after Ezra's break-out reading, audience members laughed, cried and cheered! You will too!

I have a comp ticket for both nights, but I don't know anybody in San Francisco--so if you know someone who can make it who is awesome and deserving, let me know!

AIG Lynch Mob

I would join a lynch mob to kill AIG executives receiving bonuses.  Don't give me this "contractual obligation" bullshit.  You have no money to pay these bonuses.  Therefore, you don't pay them.  When I bought a plane ticket on Independence Air and they went UNDER, what happened to my contractually obligated flight?!?! They ceased operations, and I never got a cent.

Same deal--you would have been bankrupted and gotten NO BONUSES if John and Jane Taxpayer hadn't bailed your asses out.  Insolvency=No Money to pay bonuses.

In my job, if I burn the building down and bankrupt the company, I don't get a bonus, I get fired, and never work again.

Unless you work for AIG, apparently.

FUCK YOU AIG.

Seriously.

Eggs

Last night I had a dream about eggs.

I don't know exactly why--perhaps its because I've eaten eggs for breakfast twice in the last 4 days, and I've only had eggs three times this year, so it's overload.

Anyway, in the dream, I was rummaging in the fridge, and I kept finding half full cartons of expired eggs. One behind the water filter, another tucked behind the condiments, and another nestled beneath the produce.

There is some truth to this egg waste--for some inexplicable reason, a 6 pack of white eggs costs 1.79 at Ralphs and a dozen costs 1.99. My bargain hunting, cost saving mind can't fathom 20 cents for 6 additional eggs. "And plus" I reason to myself "I can always hard-boil the extras when they get past expiration".
It's been a learning experience--so far I've yet to boil my eggs exactly right--just a little too soft in the middle.

"Why am I soft in the middle? The rest of my life is so hard! I need a photo opportunity! I want a shot at redemption!  Don't wanna end up a cartoon in a cartoon graveyard!"

I do burst out in song, so I figured, why not do it on my blog?

In closing, I wanted to share something HORRIFYING with you.  It's called a Century Egg.

"Century egg, also known as preserved egg, hundred-year egg, thousand-year egg, and thousand-year-old egg, is a Chinese cuisine ingredient made by preserving duck, chicken or quail eggs in mixture of clay, ash, salt, lime, and rice straw for several weeks to several months, depending on the method of processing. After the process is completed, the yolk becomes a dark green, cream-like substance with a strong odor of sulphur and ammonia, while the white becomes a dark brown, transparent jelly with little flavour or taste. The transforming agent in the century egg is its alkaline material, which gradually raises the pH of the egg from around 9 to 12 or more. This chemical process breaks down some of the complex, flavorless proteins and fats, which produces a variety of smaller flavourful compounds."

I told you it was shocking.

I'm Mortified!

Guess what everybody!  I received an e-mail the other day from Anne at Mortified--the comedic excavation of childhood angst that I auditioned for back in early January:

So, i talked to neil and we do want to have you in the march show!

Yay!

So on March 11th, peeps, I will be reading some "angst written" stuff from my journals.

So here's the breakdown--

WHAT: Mortified LA
WHEN: Wednesday, March 11, 2009
TIME: 8:00 PM
VENUE: King King
ADDRESS: 6555 Hollywood Blvd., 90028

COST: $15 advance, $20 at door.

I'm very excited, and hope to see you all there!

Hash House Harriers

On Saturday, I went to Woodley Park with my roommate Joe. While there, we took a walk over the the Sepulveda Basin Dam. This flood control dam protects the San Fernando Valley from washing away during the rainy season.

While there, we climbed up and over the spillways of the dam, which are very steep and require a good running start to surmount. (Video forthcoming)

While at the top of the spillway, I looked out into the channel of the Los Angeles river.  Three middle aged white men in t-shirts, shorts and sneakers ran along the riverbed.  As they ran, I noticed that every 100 feet or so, one of the men would reach into a plastic shopping bag and hurl a handful of white powder into the wall of the channel.

"What in the hell?"  My mind, hard-wired into the post-9/11 mentality, immediately assumed the worst.  Terrorists were putting anthrax in the Los Angeles river.

Silly terrorists, don't you know the LA River is already poison?

I was contemplating in my mind, what to do.  I'd hate to have the deaths of thousands on my conscience for not speaking up, but at the same time, I knew there had to be a logical explanation.  As I was thinking this, a second group of folks seemed to come up towards the dam.  I shouted out to them.

"Do you know what's going on?"

"We're Hash House Harriers" he replied.

"Do you know how crazy and suspicious it looks to be throwing white powder into a body of water? I was this close to calling the police!"

He waved his hands above his head "No, no! It's baking powder, it's a biodegradable trail marker."  He climbed up a pipe attached to the spillway as he spoke. "we've been around since the 40's.  We blaze trails and drink beer."

I laughed.  He continued. "We once did a trail in an Ikea in Connecticut, and we were brought up on Federal charges. Dismissed, of course."

The little explorer in me was so enraptured by this amazingly adventurous concept.  Blazing a trial, it ties in with all my favorite activities, exploring, geocaching, hiking, urban exploration and infiltration.  Of course, I don't drink, and it seems like that's supposed to be half the point for this group.

Needless to say, it was fun to encounter this, and maybe I'll try it out someday.  Just thought I'd share.

I'm Not Dead, Just Working

--which is a good thing. It seems everyone I know who moved out here after me has had problems finding employment. (Especially employment relating to their field of study)

I'm glad, privileged, JOYOUS that I have a steady job that pays well--very well, in that I get overtime and double-time occasionally. It's a great company to work for and I'm growing a lot.

This weekend I've got some plans to hang with friends on Super Bowl Sunday, not to watch the game--more to hang out and watch the commercials--after all, three spots will have been personally QC'd by me (not that I was the only one doing it, might you)

Anyway, what else? Well, life limps along at subsonic speeds. I am still living in California, and loving the wonderful spring weather. :) I know, winter is like already over, and I'm totally fine with that.

I'm going to be taking my trip to Yosemite that I won on the Price Is Right in April, I've had the dates confirmed--now I just need to find someone to go with me...

Anyway, just wanted to give everyone a heads up that I'm still here, would love to hear from you.